The Clippers are on the brink of self-imploding, losing two straight games and letting the Memphis Grizzlies take control of the series. On one hand, you have to feel sorry for Chris Paul, who’s the best point guard in the league and has endured some of the shittiest situations in NBA history. Think about it: Paul helped restore relevance to the New Orleans Hornets in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, played for the team when the NBA took over (and decided to gut the franchise), sat through a litany of trade rumors, got traded, then untraded, and then traded again, and now plays for Donald Sterling and Vinny Del Negro. And I didn’t even bring up those horribly ugly Hornets jerseys he used to wear.
On the other hand, the Clippers deserve to lose the series. In a perfect wave of hipster benevolence, the Clippers made the internet explode by giving the youth of America a West Coast alternative to the Thunder (too neat), Heat (too popular), Knicks (too traditional) and Staples Center cohabitants Lakers (too annoying). And because of that, the Clippers got too big, too fast. The Clippers are kind of like that song “FUN” that’s playing on the radio right now: it was cool the first time you heard it, but when EVERYONE started playing it, while downplaying it’s popularity, it became annoying. It’s a top 40 hit masquerading as an indie anthem.
If you feel like I feel, good. But if you’re just a little bit uncomfortable with liking the a GOOD Clippers team, then I’ve made a list of 5 reasons why you should hate the Clippers.
5: Donald Sterling is a racist bigot
This isn’t false. Donald Sterling’s the worst owner in professional sports history. For whatever reason, he’s managed to hold on to this pathetic excuse of a franchise for over 25 years. But Sterling’s not just a horrible owner: he’s a horrible person, too. Look, I’m not here to give you all the grisly details. Just go to Google and type in Donald Sterling and watch “donald sterling racist” come up third and “donald sterling racist quotes” come up fourth. Nowhere in that top four is “donald sterling clippers”. That’s not right, is it?
4: Flop City
It’s become almost unbearable to watch these Clippers play because of their flopping. I don’t mind flopping as much as some people do. I don’t think you should be fined and I certainly don’t think you should be executed. It’s a part of the game. But this much flopping? It’s annoying. And what’s worse is the outcry when they don’t get their call. And what’s the worst about it is number three:
3: They’re a bunch of “Ant Bullies”
Kenyon Martin is a mean dude. Reggie Evans is a mean dude. Everyone else? Stop. Please. The persistent cheap shots, barking at ref’s and opponents, and “better than you attitude” isn’t even cool when established good teams do it. What makes the Clips think that 66 games of okay basketball gives them the right to be assholes? I’ve seen countless Clippers game this year, but what sticks out the most is DeAndre Jordan the cyberbully. Back in February, Kevin Love and the Minnesota Timberwolves began posting pictures on Twitter of a sleeping Michael Beasely. Channeling his inner 15 year old girl, DeAndre Jordan tweeted some cryptic status about how “other teams are getting with the #gotem. But we all know where it came from.” The potshot was obviously directed at the Wolves team, who had just beat the Clippers twice.
2: Blake Griffin is overrated
Anyone who watches basketball sees the glaring holes in Blake’s game. He’s not a good defender, can’t shoot, is a horrible free throw shooter, isn’t a great passer, etc, etc. Basically, if he’s not running the break, he’s not a threat. But he’s a great dunker, so he gets more time on Sportscenter than players who are better than him.
Griffin reminds me of the guy at the gym who’s more athletic than everyone in the building, but pouts when things don’t go his way and acts like he doesn’t care. Watch when Griffin doesn’t get a foul call: he’ll sit on the floor and take his time to get up.
I think Griffin’s a phenomenal talent, but he’s got a lot of work to do before he’s the best forward in basketball.
Good God almighty, the Clippers are a HUGE fad. I know TWO people who are self-proclaimed Clippers fan. I guarantee you neither of them know who Michael Olowakandi, or who was the leading scorer for the ‘06 team.
But, because they’re the “alternative”, Urban Outfitters has started producing a pre-shrunk poly-cotton blended shirt. And people are eating it up. In two years, when Paul’s a free agent and Griffin’s knees are shot, do you think anyone will care about them? Or will they revert back to the lovable losers they are at heart?
The Clippers don’t deserve to make it out of the first round. Not yet. Before this team is championship contending material, they need to suffer in NBA playoff purgatory for three years. This year it’s the first round, next year the semi’s, and the third year it’s a loss in the conference finals. If the fans can stick around for that, then fine, they can be contenders. But until then? Prove your allegiance.
Honorable mention: Will Ferrell is a fan.